The hymen is a “fold of mucous membranes” which is positioned at the entrance to the vagina, like a protective barrier. For a long time, the tearing of the hymen was proof that a woman was a virgin. So she had never had sex. In short, she was pure. Thus, her husband, for example, knows that she has not known other male partners and is reassured about her possible descendants. Associated directly with the notion of marriage, the word hymen – from the god Hymeneus or Hymen – also means nuptial song.
Virginity as a value of purity comes to us, among other things, from Greek mythology, but also from medieval beliefs. According to Yvonne Knibiehler, author of Female Virginity. Myths, fantasies, emancipation (Éditions Odile Jacob, 2012), the Middle Ages is “the height of virginity”. It is a period during which virginity is considered to be a moral and physical virtue. Moral, because it denotes a strength of character not to give in to the trivial pleasure of sex. And physical, because the body remains untouched, therefore intact and probably more conducive to getting closer to the divine. Consider the vow of chastity. On the other hand, what it demonstrates above all is: A deep misunderstanding of female anatomy; A conception of the female sex as inferior to the male sex (the penetrant that will “allow”, in a way, sexual life); An objectifying vision of the woman who becomes like a trophy, an object that we take possession of; Slutshaming, translated in research into sexology in Quebec as “stigma of a whore”. It is considered that the woman who has a sexuality is “dirty”, of lesser value; Emphasize a heterocentric and penetrative sexuality as a model to follow.
Virginity is above all many myths that must be discarded at all costs. I suggest a few:
Myth #1: You can tell when someone loses their virginity
FALSE!
There is no valid test, either on the female or male side, to indicate the loss of virginity. Either the moment of the first penetration, because that is what we are referring to. And this, both as penetrant and penetrated. The WHO (OMS) (World Health Organization) also condemns virginity tests because they are “humiliating and traumatic”. So-called virginity tests are the verification of the internal genitalia and the condition of the hymen. It is even considered a form of medicalized sexual assault. Also, how do you know when a man has lost his virginity? A lesbian woman? The concept of virginity ignores other sexual orientations and really rests on the shoulders of heterosexual women alone. Myth #2: The hymen tears during penetration
FALSE!
First, some people are born without a hymen. Secondly, the mucous membranes that form it can fold up to allow the penis, one or more fingers, a sexual object, etc. to pass through. Also, the hymen is very variable in shape: small holes, squarely open, absent or, again, completely closed. It has no definite form; each person has their own anatomy.
Myth #3: The hymen systematically bleeds during the first penetration
FALSE!
There is a good chance that the hymen will not even be in place at the time of penetration. Made up of still delicate mucous membranes, the hymen can suffer small lesions during penetration. But the same is true with the walls of the vagina. Consequently, the famous blood flowing on the white sheet as an indicator of loss of virginity = nope! In addition, the hymen is likely to be missing during childhood. It can be while playing sports, cycling, climbing on play modules, falling, etc. The hymen, in fact, has NO connection with sexuality. According to Jennifer Gunther, obstetrician-gynecologist and author of The Vagina Bible (Random House Canada, 2019), the hymen exists primarily to allow female babies to avoid direct contact with bacteria, infections and saddles. And it’s not designed to last forever.
Myth #4: We say “lose your virginity”, so is something taken away from us?
FALSE!
Again, not at all. You don’t lose anything, except your time if it was really boring! #poudoumtchi This idea of loss comes once again from outdated beliefs that weigh particularly heavily on the shoulders of young girls. This convinces them that, if they experience sex before they have found “the right person”, they will suffer a loss of their intrinsic value. But, strangely, this conception of loss does not exist in men. Why is that? Well, because the man – as Mélodie Nelson puts it well in an article at Urbania – he has the role of the conqueror. Indeed, the woman is the territory to be occupied and she therefore becomes his thing, his property.
Myth #5: The first time is really “special”
FALSE!
What contributes to the outsized importance of the famous virginity is the idea that the first time – hearing the first penetrative sexual encounter – is special, even crucial. It is indeed not insignificant, but from there to bet everything on this first experience, there is a margin. Putting so much emphasis on the first time, it creates expectations that are difficult to meet, It can, practically, only be disappointing. Let’s remember that there will be several first times: first kiss, first caress, first masturbation, first experience of oral sex, first time with each new or new partner, etc. This conception of a transcendent experience is doubly serious, because 1) it removes the agency* of the female person by placing it in the hands of the male person and 2) it sets the bar so high for the first sexual relationship that we ensure that sexuality is automatically perceived as a performance and, in addition, that what will come after is an opaque mystery that we should not really worry about. Whereas on the contrary, it should be shown as the beginning of an apprenticeship, of a continuous exploration of oneself, of one’s intimacy, of one’s desires and desires. Not like a mechanic, an ad nauseam repetition of a method. Sexuality evolves throughout life.
A message to pass on to anyone who would like to put their child through this, it’s this: taking a virginity test is not only pointless, it’s also overly intrusive. This perpetuates an old tradition established in a patriarchal system which puts on the shoulders of young girls undue pressure to conform to an unrealistic standard and not at all adapted to our current vision of sexuality which is more positive, open and inclusive. . It is exercising control over her daughter’s body and sexuality and, by sharing this information publicly, is exposing her intimacy and, downright, a violation of her privacy.